I have been here 14 years. I've been here, on this earth for 14 years. I have seen people trading guns. I've seen an old man getting killed. I have seen people doing drugs infront of people. I have been chased by a drunk man before. I've seen people I do not know hitting their children hard. I have seen a prisoner escape. Heck of a childhood, huh? I've seen many things you've never seen before, or you'd even imagine happen. For everything that happens I ask myself, what is going on with our world? I look back. I look back when I was a baby. All I can see is myself sitting in a car round-a-go in San Francisco. It was just standing there, still. I was crying. As I grew up I was a little kid dancing and having fun. Everything seemed to be perfect. Just a few years later, I wasn't the ordinary 7 year old girl. Or five. I could read and speak english better than swedish, I had dreams, I had a future to plan. I grew up too fast. And here I am. I am 14 years old. Sometimes when I go through tough things I tell myself that I am 14 years old. How did I get here? Should a 14 year old go through these things? Shouldn't like, 40 year old people deal with these stuff? I was 12 when my dream was to become the second female basketball player to play in NBA. After hard work, blood, sweat and tears I finally gave up. I abanded the dream. Did I tell you that I was only 12? And I had such high hopes? Really now that I think of it, I grew up too fast. I was used by hearing that I would fail as an actress from my best friends. I never gave up. Til this day I have not given up. Who would want that when you are 10 years old? To become an actress and win an Oscar.. So it took me what, a year to learn how to walk? And two or three years to learn how to talk? I know, I was a slow kid. So I only had 2 or 4 years to jump in the mud or eat snow that a dog peed in? I guess.. and everything affected me, everything I saw effected me. I used my hands as guns to hit people, I wished for people to die, and yes I did hit people hard. Nothing of what I am saying is making sense, I know. Maybe if I never saw those things I would jump in the mud til the day I was 13. But no, I never did. Because I grew up too fast. I'm afraid to be 30 years old. I don't want that day to come. There will be nothing I can do again. Really, what I want to do is to hop in a mud and throw sand in someones face and laugh. Like you should be doing when you're five or seven. When I was in that age I would go to a grocery store just to curse to some kid I hardly knew. I would cut my Barbie's hair and chop her head off. Now I'm 14. I have nothing to do. All I can do is watch my friends get drunk or smoke things they shouldn't be smoking. I can either do that or throw sand in somebodys face. You know why? When I think of it, I'm not 18. I am four years younger. I'm a baby. I am a kid. I am still, a child. But will I be capable of doing those things I was meant to do when I was a baby, everyday? I wasted my childhood on things that weren't good for me. Really, I'd like to be five again. Because when I saw that prisoner escape, I never thought I would be like that. But I turned out like that. I escaped from my childhood to be grown up, and now I hate it.